"I love a girl. I used to love her a lot. She seems so fine and amazing to me. That was a dull year, where exam is my top priority, until I met her. Since then, I never stop thinking about her and trying to get close to her. Sometimes it was frustrating, saddening, when she didn't seem to like me like I did, when all she thinks about was another guy. I don't know what makes me feel so passionate about her. Maybe is the way she talks. Maybe it's the way she liked him. Maybe it's her quietness, giving her an atmosphere of mystery. "This is the girl I wanted". That belief was simple and strong. Yes, she accepted me after that, she said yes to me on a midnight which I was having an emotional breakdown saying how much I wanna be with her , not just as a friend. At the least expected moment, she opened the door of her heart for me .

But why?

Would I still be that passionate about her, if only I knew that she is a very stubborn person, easily get distracted, poor in financial planning, from a "problem" family,  selfish, not caring, emotional?
Would I still be that passionate about her, if only I knew she would not put me as her priority?

Sometimes I wonder, does she really love me? "

2

Loving yourself. Nothing is more important. It doesn't mean you ignore everything around you. It means, having a harmony relationship with your environment, while making yourself more contented, becomes better day by day.

Life has an end, that is why this moment is a "present".

1

I used to have a lot of blogs over different stages of my life.

Now, I only kept three of them.
One is the one which i wrote my random thoughts, created after my Pre-U. It is really random and short, but sad, full of emotions. The emotions when I used to like someone, but I don't know how to like the one in a proper way, and I kept having emotional thoughts.

The second one is also after Pre-U, which I properly wrote the content so that it is less shorter and more friendly. That's it.

The third one, is the one I used to mange it with my current boyfriend.

Years after entering university, transformations happen.
Chinese no longer becomes the language that I can easily come out with words. My Chinese became a little cacat, I read everything in English or Malay.
Life is no longer just about myself. I have responsibilities, which I willingly took up, but it also frustrate me at the same time.
Slowly I lost some abilities. The abilities to feel more. I learnt how to doubt, not only on the people around me but also doubt more on myself. I lost the ability to love. Everything in my minds is tasks and calculations. I have developed in certain way but also , deteriorates in certain way.

Sometimes I just lost the motivation towards myself.