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I used to have a lot of blogs over different stages of my life.

Now, I only kept three of them.
One is the one which i wrote my random thoughts, created after my Pre-U. It is really random and short, but sad, full of emotions. The emotions when I used to like someone, but I don't know how to like the one in a proper way, and I kept having emotional thoughts.

The second one is also after Pre-U, which I properly wrote the content so that it is less shorter and more friendly. That's it.

The third one, is the one I used to mange it with my current boyfriend.

Years after entering university, transformations happen.
Chinese no longer becomes the language that I can easily come out with words. My Chinese became a little cacat, I read everything in English or Malay.
Life is no longer just about myself. I have responsibilities, which I willingly took up, but it also frustrate me at the same time.
Slowly I lost some abilities. The abilities to feel more. I learnt how to doubt, not only on the people around me but also doubt more on myself. I lost the ability to love. Everything in my minds is tasks and calculations. I have developed in certain way but also , deteriorates in certain way.

Sometimes I just lost the motivation towards myself.